Stoned
!
Have you ever got stoned?
so badly stoned that you
found that Des O’Connor
was incredibly funny?
Have you ever got stoned,
so out of your mind
that time stood still and you believed
that music came from heaven?
Have you ever had the munchies?
Discovered that peanut butter,
ice cream and marmite
were the best meal ever?
Have you taken a long deep toke,
coughed your insides out
and blown your head in one go,
because it was too big a hit?
Have you ever smoked serious weed?
Its supposed to affect your
short-term memory
when you get stoned.
Have you ever smoked really wicked weed?
Its supposed to affect your
short-term memory
when you get stoned.
Have you ever dropped a bit of resin
into the carpet, looked for it,
got down on your knees
and found it half a mile away
Have you noticed how weed
can distract you as you talk,
make you lose the plot,
forget what you were talking about?
What was I talking about?
Oh, yes, have you heard
that smoking dope
affects your short-term memory?
Not that I believe it, of course.
You’d have to be a dope
to fall for that one and I don’t,
I don’t, er, er. Whatever.
Tim Richards, June 11th, 2003
YOUNG PEOPLE COMMIT SEX ACTS IN PARK
That's what is said in the Gwent Gazette
It was a shock-horror story but
I wasn't shocked or horrified.
Good luck to them,I say,lucky buggers.
I wish I was young enough again
to commit sex acts in the park.
I prefer warm rooms and,best of all,
big beds to roll around on,
rather than cold,damp grass
So,what's the big fuss?
Parks are there for all of us,
to do what nature demands
I did it on the beach,once,
a sticky-fingered knee-trembler
that I still happily remember.
Its just jealousy really,
I bet they never tried it out,
groped damp knickers in the park.
The Gwent Gazette should be ashamed
of itself,really - pretending its news.
What do they think is new
about young people
attempting sex in the dark,
using the local park?
So,forget the old farts,
old before their time.I bet they
never committed sex acts in the park.
Drunk
Have you ever got pissed? Really drunk?
So many pints that you didn't know you were there?
Have you ever had walls throw themselves at you?
Felt perfectly solid floors move under you?
Been the only person to suffer the Cardiff earthquake of 1995?
Have you ever been sick? Seriously sick?
So sick that you wanted to be some-one else?
Have you ever thrown up against a concrete wall?
Studied your puke as if it was wallpaper,
because there was nothing else to look at?
Have you ever vomited, like a jet?
Through the nose, violently attacking the furniture?
Have you ever become a deadly weapon?
Spraying your stomache around,
being offensively sick, on automatic fire?
Have you ever considered becoming dangerous?
Thought about a career which suits you?
Haven't you realised your profitability,
recognised your true value to society,
as a non-lethal, organo-chemical weapon?
Have you realised the money you could make
as a professional crowd-control operative?
Haven't you realised your employment potential,
as a paramilitary policeman,
spraying Newci-brown and cherry brandy in a riot?
No? Call yourself a piss artist?
You've got no imagination!
XTC
I 1,2 B
I 1,2 C
I 1,T
1 8 E
I + E
= NRG.
U MP
U JP
U NME
Y,L I B
I 1,2 C
XTC.
Glaucoma
I have been diagnosed,
like my father and Taid,
as suffering from glaucoma,
which could make me blind.
But I'm not depressed,
as, instead of getting drunk,
I now smoke cannabis,
enjoy some wicked skunk.
So, if they come to get me
and prosecute my drug abuse,
I will have a real defence,
- its just medicinal use.
(Taid = Grandfather in Welsh)